The day I found out my son broke his neck, I sent him off to a youth group activity that evening. The students were in a gymnasium, dancing in the bleachers to a Christian rapper before they got to hear Brian Cole speak about how God rescued him from a life of drugs and destruction. Anyways, as I dropped off my son to a pretty harmless event, I had a pang of anxiety, wishing that I could control how rowdy the kids were being in the bleachers. What would happen if he was bumped and fell accidentally? As I drove back home, the prayers switched over from being for his safety to being about my faith and ability to trust God through all the "what if" scenarios that kept running through my mind.
Cody's personal coach mentioned to him that he was going through a fiery furnace type of trial, referring to the story in Daniel 3. Although we may have heard this story in childhood Sunday school classes, I would guess most of us can hardly imagine how intense this trial of faith was for those three men. It was during a time when the people of God had been evacuated to another country due to subjugation by the Babylonians and destruction of Israel. The three men were among a group of young people who were chosen to learn the ways of the Babylonians in order to become leaders of their own people but under the authority of the Babylonian monarchy.
The King, Nebuchadnezzar, had a bit of an ego and believed he should be worshipped (like God) by all of his subjects. When he required, by law, that all the people bow down to his statue, the three young men stood firm in their faith and chose to face the consequences of not obeying the king. When they were questioned by the king about why they would be so outrageous as to choose a blazing furnace over simply bowing to his statue, this is what they said:
"King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand.
But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Daniel 3:16-18)God can certainly use a fire to forge us like silver into His image and into the strong people of character He wants us to be. Those three men decided they would rather be thrown into a blazing fire (which sounds like a truly horrible way to die) than deny their God. For me, when I faced the fact that my children's health is not really in my hands, but in His hands, I had to completely abandon myself to whatever He wants to do in their lives. I sat in prayer at a women's retreat and heard God asking me, "EVEN IF something terrible happens, will you still trust me?" And right there in that quiet moment, I realized that I had been walking around under a cloud of fear, which told me I wasn't really trusting God. Could I tell God "even if" this doesn't turn out the way I want it to, I will still trust You Lord?"
And then the next seminar in the weekend conference was about breaking down Psalm 23. Don't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor! The Bible teacher looked at each word with purpose and she asked us, "Have you ever noticed that it says the valley of the shadow of death?"
What is in a shadow?
OH. Wow - isn't that illuminating? Most of what we fear in this life isn't actually anything at all - it's just a shadow. The shadow itself is empty but we can often let that shadow keep us from living a full life.
Sometimes God performs amazing miracles and other times He allows us to experience deep pain and excruciating experiences in this life. As I've shared about our shocking turn of events with Cody, I'm acutely aware of friends who are still waiting for an answer with brain shunt surgery, struggling with breast cancer, experiencing the heart breaking loss of a daughter due to a random car accident, or the completely unexpected loss of a wife and mother. I've prayed for each of these people that God's will would be done and pled with him for healing but also asked Him to help me understand why He heals some and not others. I don't claim to understand who He allows such tragedy in one family and miraculous recovery in another - His ways are beyond my understanding. However, I want to be someone who knows deep in my core that "even if" hard times come, He is in control and I will trust Him.
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