Contemplations of a Mommy "Monk"

In the spring of 2004, my husband and I felt God calling us to some big changes. At that time, I was teaching part time in an ideal situation. I had a three year old daughter and an infant, but I was home from work by 10:30 am each day. It was great except that I needed daycare for 9 hours a week and I wasn't happy with the way that was working out. Balancing work and baby wasn't so easy either. My husband had a job that looked good on paper but in real life it was wearing him down. He knew he needed a change - more direct care (counseling) and less supervision and stress. My husband's dad had unexpectedly died from cancer two years prior to this. His mom was trying to pick up the pieces of her life and figure out how to move on. And we were 700 miles away, unable to be of much help. The signs seemed obvious: it was time to move . But, I was pretty happy where we were. We had a terrific church body and a personal relationship with our pastor. We were just beginning to get p...

Songs can move me in ways that words on paper often can't. Words contain power and music also has the ability to evoke emotion. When moving music and powerful words come together, God's spirit speaks to my soul. On Easter Sunday, a mother and son sang a duet version of the recent Casting Crowns release. The words of this song capture my personal struggles spiritually. The music drew me into the emotions of spiritual angst. And then, the last lines of the song spoke straight from God's heart to mine. Even when my life doesn't match up to my heart's desires, even when I'm caught in the middle, He loves me unconditionally. I pray these words touch you too. Somewhere In The Middle Somewhere between the hot and the cold Somewhere between the new and the old Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me Somewhere between the wrong and the right Somewhere between the darkness and the light Somewhere between who I wa...

Littered along the Calvary road will lie the skeletons of our egos, the corpses of our fantasies of control, and the shards of self-righteousness, self-indignant spirituality, and unfreedom. (Brennan Manning, The Signature of Jesus ) Are you ready to take the next step? The step of faith bridging the chasm between knowledge and experience (as Manning calls it)? Are you ready to take up the cross and let the things of this world die away that only Christ may remain? The teaching of the sermon on the mount is not - Do your duty, but - Do what is not your duty. It is not your duty to go the second mile, to turn the other cheek, but Jesus says if we are His disciples we shall always do these things. (Oswald Chambers) I wonder how many of us know what it means to go the second mile. I'm not sure I do. Isobel Kuhn, who was a missionary in China, knew the second mile well. Giving up her comforts to live in truly remote villages --- sounds radical to me. Walking miles upon miles ...

Shhh! Close your eyes, turn off the television and the stereo, and listen. He's speaking. Are you hearing? Do you recognize that sweet voice? Do you know His tone, His accent? God's voice is: Gracious (Ephesians 1:7-8) Just (Romans 2:6-8) Holy (Exodus 15:11) Merciful (Psalm 5:7) Loving (1 John 4:8) True (John 14:1,2) When He speaks, it will always be in accordance with His character which He revealed to us in His Word. A few words about condemnation vs. conviction : God’s conviction is kind and specific whereas Satan’s condemnation is general (i.e. you’re a terrible person) and leads to shame. God’s leading brings peace , not confusion. If we lack peace, it can be a signal that we’re listening to voices other than God. God calls us to take leaps of faith and to walk on the path less traveled. Is this new step going to stretch you spiritually? That’s a good sign that it’s from God. How has He been speaking to you today?

“But remember, for all your adult life you’ll be a woman. And how you live your life as a woman, all by yourself before God, is what makes the real you. Nothing on the exterior can touch or change that precious inner sanctuary—your heart, his dwelling place—unless you let it. And God, who loves you very much, has tailor made all your outer life—your circumstances, your relationships—to pressure you into becoming that beautiful woman he’s planned for you to be.” ~ Anne Ortlund ~ During our morning Bible study, I stood behind Barbie, her long thin legs nicely packaged in designer jeans and her flowing blond hair bouncing to the middle of her back. I attempted worship but my heart was elsewhere. I couldn't concentrate on the words to the songs because I was so distracted by the external beauty of this woman in front of me. In my heart, I secretly harbored jealousy and wondered, "God, why didn't you give me long legs or flowing hair?" In my prayer time, the Lord nudged my...

The word “radical” carries a connotation of a young man with piercing all over his body, black clothes….things that sound scary or crazy. There are lots of people labled "radical" but not many that we admire. If God asks us to be radical Christians, does that fill our hearts with fear? We have thoughts like, “If I say yes to whatever God asks, He might ask something really impossible.” I don’t know very many radical Christians – my friend Ann comes to mind. She and I met in college – we were both math majors but she actually graduated when I was a freshman. We hung out together all the time, sharing life and praying for each other often. She's the kind of girl who would stop in the middle of a conversation to pray for me. Ann would share the gospel with whoever she met – at a coffee shop, with a car repair man, anywhere! She ended up taking a teaching job in Hawaii and she shared the gospel regularly with her students, inviting them to Christian concerts, praying...

Longing, wanting, desire... words that evoke images of passionate love, words that we associate with romance novels, not God. Our problem is that we are so satiated with the lusts of this world, we have drowned out the hunger for what will truly satisfy. We long for shiny new cars; we want chocolate caramel brownies; we desire that head over heels in love feeling all the time. The average Christian attends church on Sunday in a haze, the words of the songs going no deeper than the vocal chords and the words from the pulpit grazing their heads. With smiles all around, handshakes and appropriate attire, the church looks healthy enough, but where is the DESIRE? I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation ...

When I think of surrender , images of grass huts in Africa or high rise apartments in the inner city flood my mind. If I take that dangerous step and tell God I'll be completely His, will He ask me to do something scary for Him? I once was afraid God would call me to be a single missionary; now, I'm afraid He'll ask me to live in anonymity scrubbing floors for the rest of my life. Do these types of fears hold you back too? Reckless trust (as Brennan Manning calls it) or Radical Obedience (Lysa Terkeurst): these words convey the adventure and abandon that come with surrender. We stand back on the edge of the wide open, hovering near the precipice of that leap of faith, fear of the unknown gripping us and pulling us back. Don't worry. I WILL get to the thankful part. Bear with me. The phone rings with some new opportunity for service and because I want to do everything for Jesus (though I haven't actually asked Him about it), I immediately say "yes." Befor...

Holiness. Is it a word that makes you cringe? Does it make you feel overwhelmed or intimidated? If you are anything like me, then thinking of holiness brings out the perfectionist mentality in my personality. But does holiness really equate to perfectionism? A word study of the root meanings of "holy" led me down an altogether different path. "It is a snare to imagine that God wants to make us perfect specimens of what He can do; God's purpose is to make us one with Himself." Oswald Chambers What is God's purpose for our lives? To be holy - set apart, consecrated, devoted , completely HIS. It's not so much about behavior , but belonging . In Deuteronomy 14:2, God called the Israelites to be consecrated because they were His treasured possession. The church has a similar calling, as described by Peter: we are a chosen people...and as such we ought to be holy. Remember though that holy does not mean perfect; holiness is being set apart for God's purpos...

If I want to change the world, I have to start with me. It is so easy to fall into the trap of paying more attention to the failures and successes of everyone else in this world, instead of working on the one person I actually have control over. How can I create a little piece of heaven on earth? By living in HIM, by living for Him, by walking with Him every step of the way. God's paradise is filled with His presence and my job as His ambassador in this broken world is to bring His presence wherever I go. I can't be a perfect specimen of God's holiness, but I can be a vessel for His use. I want to be His - I want my life to display His holiness and shine a little bit of heaven on this earth. In Other Words is hosted by my friend Lori at All You Have to Give .

I wake up thinking about all the things I ought to do today. I need to take care of my hair with the proper products - keeping it soft and healthy (some day when I actually care about it); I must care for my skin so that it is not damaged by the sun, the dead cells are sloughed off and signs of wrinkling and aging are hidden, not to mention moisturizing (you can bet that will happen once a month). It is important to care for my muscles with exercise and my bones and other organs by eating right and taking vitamins (I'll get around to that eventually). I should visit the doctor regularly also to take care of this body of mine (once every few years or so). I ought to brush my teeth and floss to watch over these pearly whites and I should file and trim my fingernails too (which I rarely do - the nails, I mean, not the teeth!). I'm exhausted already and I haven't even gotten to caring for my mind. I should be keeping up with current events - aware of what is going on in Darfour...