Contemplations of a Mommy "Monk"

I'm rushing around, tying shoelaces, zipping up coats, frantically searching for that one missing glove all the while urging my children to HURRY UP because we are late. We zip out of the driveway, lurching to a stop at the red sign. Hitting the accelerator, I zoom around the corner, ignore the warning yellow light, and instead screech to a halt at the glaring red light. Zoom ahead, screech to a halt. Zip forward, slam on the brakes. This describes how I often go through life. I want to reach the destination and the pacing of the journey never seems fast enough. The yellows and reds along the way, I would prefer to avoid. I lack a sense of appropriate pacing. My heart's desire is to see personal growth in my life. I don't want immediate gratification, I want immediate sanctification ! I want to be patient, and I WANT IT NOW!!! "He [God] is very patient with us when we are trying to be patient with Him." ~ Elisabeth Elliott ~ While I'm tapping my toe, impatient...

When speaking of the fruit of the Spirit, it is important to remember a few things. For one thing, patience, kindness, self-control, etc. are all fruit that flow from walking in unity with the Holy Spirit. We cannot produce these fruit any more than we can create an orange out of thin air. On the other hand, there is something that we are called to do. Our part in growing oranges is complete reliance upon the Grower of all good things. When I see goodness, kindness or joy in myself, I recognize it as the overflow of a relationship with Jesus and as a gift from Him. For some reason, the fruit of self-control seems different. Maybe it's just me. I think of it negatively - as in what is lacking instead of what God has given. I also tend to look for things I ought to be doing to increase this fruit in my life. Why should self-control be any different than peace or love? I cannot manufacture those things in my life - I am fully aware that they come only from living a Spirit-le...

"Love is beautiful, but it is also terrible--terrible in its determination to allow nothing blemished or unworthy to remain in the beloved." ~ Hannah Hurnard ~ My four year old Missy eagerly dresses each morning for preschool. She finds a pair of purple sweatpants and a deep red frilly shirt and ties the ensemble together with a yellow headband, never using a brush to tame her wild mane. She tells me she is ready to go, blonde strands of hair sticking out everywhere, peanut butter smudges on her face and teeth un-brushed. She slips into her pink and purple mudboots, never mind that there is no mud to be seen anywhere nearby. Her runny nose hardly seems to matter considering the rest of the wreckage before me. I love her so dearly; I almost let her go to school looking like an uncared for orphan. Actually, I love her too much to allow her to go out of the house looking like this. I make her stand still for an excruciating minute while I wipe her face, comb her hair and ...

I kill plants. I don't set out to do it, but it's inevitable. I'm very forgetful and the plants often get neglected in the busyness of my days. I haven't met a plant yet that can survive too long without water - although some have surprised me with their survivability. So, when I notice the yellowing leaves, the crunchy "growths" and the wilting nature of my plants, I suddently am reminded that they need water. I drown them in water hoping to remedy my past irresponsibility; but, they are beyond reviving. I don't give up hope because I feel terribly guilty for the plant's demise. Unfortunately, it is no use. For too long this plant has gone without sustenance and it is too late to revive it now. There are things in my life that I think are beyond reviving too. Self-discipline. I've neglected it and that fruit has shriveled up. All of my efforts at rejuvinating this fruit seem in vain. Some days it feels like I am destined to struggle i...

About two weeks ago, my uncle-in-law (is that a word?) came out to visit and offered to help us steam clean the carpets since he works for Rug Doctor. Since I have three little kiddos and one daycare baby, I have no need for carpet cleaning....So, I pondered for a long time (like 1 second) before I said, "YES!!! Please clean my carpets!!" All weekend long I marveled at my perfectly clean carpets. I really do like it when things are clean (though my house may declare the opposite...at times), so I reveled in my spotless carpets for a whole day. It was so GOOD . You would have thought I had been given a diamond ring, I was so ecstatic. And then. Then I was brutally reminded of my sweet treasures which could also be called whirlwinds of destruction. The perfect carpet lasted one day and one day only. They peed on it - they thought it would be funny to call the bedroom a bathroom and pee on the carpet. It wasn't an accident; it was deliberate. I am very understanding about a...

Everlasting God by Lincoln Brewster This song has been running over and over in my mind reinforcing this powerful Scripture related to patience - waiting upon the Lord, our Everlasting God. Listen and read on... We spent some time on Saturday filling in our planter in the front yard with several different perennials. The earth was moist from a week’s worth of rainfall and the bulbs landed softly in their cozy dirt homes. We covered them with a blanket of more dirt and left them there with a sense of satisfaction and anticipation. The next morning my little man wanted to go see the flowers. Where are they? He wondered. How do I explain a waiting period of 6 months to a child whose life is only 5 times that increment? The flowers are babies and they are hibernating until winter is over; then they will slowly poke their heads through their beds into the sunlight world and we will enjoy their colorful beauty. I know, I don’t want to wait until spring to see them again either, but t...

She was once a sweet sleeping peaceful baby swaddled in the soft comfort of home-stitched blankets. Peace enveloped her as her mother cooed over her cradle and sang sweet songs of love to her. But, now. Now, life is so much more complicated. Sin has entered in and the once peaceful baby is a woman tormented by bad decisions and an unseen enemy. The mother looks at the hurting woman and wishes for peace… Prayers are offered daily for babies grown up and for mothers whose hearts are broken. The pain is great, the burden is heavy and despair lurks around the corner. So, we persist in seeking our God, banging on His door, begging Him for answers and seeking peace. “I do not see how you could bear so much sorrow.” Hannah responded, “I did not bear it. The Lord bore it for me.” The lady agreed, “We must take our troubles to the Lord.” “Yes, but we must do more than that: we must leave them there. Most people take their burdens to Him, but they bring them away with them again, and...

Down in my heart…down in my heart…to stay! But, I’m not so very happy….I’m not so very happy…so what’s the matter with me? Where is that joy? I remember something about it being down in my heart. Well, I guess we ought to go check down there. Want to come with me? Follow me down the stairs here to the door…squeak…haven’t been in here in a while, you’ll have to excuse the cobwebs and mess. Hmmm…I can’t see in here – it’s pretty dark, could you hand me a light? Oh my, I can’t get past all these piles of things, we’ll have to move a few things to see if we can find that joy anywhere. Here, will you hang onto this pride, so I can shift this box of…what is this? Wow – suppressed dreams – I forgot all about those! Haven’t got time for that though, what’s this right next to it? A bunch of tapes – oh yeah, those tapes of all my mistakes and sins…got to keep those around. Something stinks back here…Oh, I don’t know if I can take the smell…Oh where, oh where are you joy? Eek, somethi...