Contemplations of a Mommy "Monk"

I'm posting at The Internet Cafe Today .... When I was in high school, I was quite the goody-two-shoes, but as I've grown closer to God, I've begun to realize God isn't just interested in behavior, but heart motivation. I was the kind of kid who never wanted to do anything wrong for fear of "getting in trouble" or seeing the disapproval of the adults I admired and respected. I wanted to be good and I wanted others to think highly of me, so I followed the rules and did what was right. I was motivated by people pleasing , seeking the admiration of others and fearing their disapproval. But, I was also motivated by the fear of consequences. I was pretty sure if I did something wrong, I would get caught and I didn't want to face punishment, so I stayed inside the lines. I'll never forget the film we watched in health class one day about the consequences of drug abuse. Stamped forever in my mind are the images of teenagers acting out of

My five year old came home from church this week explaining to me all about heaven. "There's no more bad guys there and no one will be sad or scared anymore. Nobody will need a doctor anymore because we won't get sick or hurt. I can't wait to go there!" His enthusiasm for heaven had me contemplating my own longing for that day, when we will be perfect with God. I can't wait - why can't it be like that now? When I came to Christ many years ago, I imagined that all of my weaknesses would be wiped out and that my imperfections would be filled in as God fixed up my broken heart. My heart is broken in all the usual ways - unmet needs, sins that linger, impure thoughts, stumbling blocks and the like. And the truth is, He has healed me from my sinful nature and He has delivered me from the power of sin, but I still struggle with daily challenges, making mistakes time and time again and feeling a deep emptiness inside. If I could name my greatest desire,